忧郁症
今天说了一个极脏的字。那个字从嘴里被吐出来的瞬间，我怔了一下。
……
……
这是我么？？
虽然我出生之地很多人都说粗话，但我等清高之流向来崇尚吐字如兰，那些俗语，即使知道，也不肯说更想不起来要说的。那现在，我怎的变得如此恶俗？
近来似乎得了忧郁症。
生管部新来了一个秘书。十分不喜欢她。每天都喜欢加班似的，下班了也不走，害我锁不了门被老板骂。更有一日，下班前十分钟来找我开会，把我扔在冷得要死的会议室等了20分钟，八点散会了仍然不走，继续忙活。每天工作十个小时还不够多么？非得把自己弄得像个工作狂一样，让老板觉得我们其他人不够努力。不爽啊不爽。如果我是老板，我会喜欢她。可惜我不是。所以我不喜欢她。
新的合同跟老的合同有两处不同。我不知道有什么深层意义没有。或者是我太过敏感，否则，就是老板在为下一步的行动做铺垫。懒得去找老板问，最近对他的抵触情绪非常强烈。他应该也能感觉得到吧。在公司里直接表达对老板的不满，应该是职场大忌。但我在接到令我不快的指示之后，一股怨气像火箭升空一样，蹭地冲到脑门，牢骚话就这样不经大脑直接从嘴巴里吐出来了。不知道新来的秘书听了作何想法。我还是有点后怕的。要是被老板知道，我的新合同就算想签，也彻底签不成了。
为什么那么容易生气哪。
因为我愤青么？
跟小吻也好几天不说话了。他在火锅宴上指责我拿着勺子去锅里捞菜。勺子的存在本来就是为了让人去捞菜的嘛，有些东西用筷子根本捞不起来。我觉得他对我的指责表示他觉得我让他很丢脸。可是我认为自己一点都没有错，所以我不理他了。他跟我套近乎不果之后，也不理我了。烦！烦！烦！
冬天总是情绪低落。
身体出状况了，但是不想去看医生。对医生没有信任感。总觉得他们坑了我很多钱。很小的毛病，都可以看掉好几张。利欲熏心……近来还有角膜接触镜的护理液出毛病的报道。连劳苦大众的心灵的窗户都可以戏耍……真不知道这世上还有什么值得信任。我一直忧心忡忡。如果有个宝宝，要教会他那么多的生存常识，教会他不去信任别人，教会他保护自己。万一漏掉了什么，他也许会像我一样年纪大了毛病多多，或者吃了假冒红心鸭蛋生病、在豆腐渣建筑里摔伤，不然被人算计家业败尽……怕怕也……最受不了就是得个忧郁症什么的，常念叨老妈为啥生我出来受苦……人活这么几十年，图个啥呢你说。
嗯。我是有点批判现实主义的。看似温柔地愤青着。或者我近来得了忧郁症。该收拾收拾休假去了罢。
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