弱智儿童快乐多
梦见自己是个智障少女。大概就像《女人不哭》里面的子月一样，梳着两条很纯情的辫子，眼神清澈无辜，简单而热烈地爱着一个男孩。我们都非常非常贫穷。被我定义为妈妈的那个监护人，很歧视我的男孩。她希望我嫁一个有钱人。她不许我跟他见面。我哭闹，然后偷偷地跑出来……跟他一起坐在青砖的台阶上。那是个四周都是青砖高房的H形胡同，似乎刚下完雨，湿湿地窜着青苔。除了我们，这世界再没别人。我靠在他温暖的肩上，幸福地睡着了……
醒来的时候很失落。
如晕染过的淡淡的青砖色的哀愁，还有如赤焰一样浓烈的爱。世间的一切都不重要，只有我和他在一起这件事最重要。为了他，一切都可以被放弃，包括我的生命。
……我从未这样爱过。
一整天，都被那种情绪笼罩着。很不巧地看到网上有一篇《两个傻子的爱情》。没有房子，没有钞票，没有加班，没有三角关系。爱情只和爱情有关。我在午餐之后的休息时间急乎乎看完，不觉竟是双眼模糊。正常人也许是因为太过聪明吧，总是把这种关系搅到一起，行事为人都需权衡利弊，瞻前顾后。傻子没有这种能力。好就是好，坏就是坏，没有类似（25%的好+67%的坏+8%的不好不坏=一个人）这种概念。所以他们的爱，不掺其他，非常纯粹。
我的智力发育看起来没有比其他普通人低，所以我不知道智障的人到底活在一种什么状态。但是我知道小时候隔壁住的智障大叔笑脸迎人，古道热心；我还知道电视剧里的智障小伙子都是乐于助人，不计得失。他们不懂人心里还有那些曲里八弯的旮旯。所有真正的坏事，都是智商发育正常的人干出来的。呃……我不是建议大家都去智障，毕竟有过错的不是人类的智商，而是品德。智力的正常可以让我们做很多智障人不能做的事情，比如上网写博什么的。所以我们必须以失去单纯作为代价。
我不得不用自己比智障人多出来的那一点点智商去考虑很多事情。比如将来要买多大平米什么地段的房子。要换一份什么样的新工作。大腿什么时候瘦得下来。哪一年能把自己顺利嫁出去。要不要生小孩。每年得攒多少钱才能负担将来孩子的奶粉钱和学费。孩子他爸妈爷奶甚至姑姨的健康和养老问题该以何种方式解决……太多了，所以经常觉得脑子不够用。智商的增加和所须考虑的问题的难度是不成正比的，就像加薪和需要付出劳动的增加不成正比一样。
他说我太在乎钱。我可以不在乎么？没有钱，我和他能在这城市生活下去么？莫非他想找个山头归隐去，男耕女织，自给自足？他孩子的爷爷奶奶曾爷爷曾奶奶和外公外婆谁来养活？我也没嫌他穷，也不想大富大贵，只是想过得稍微好一点，不比那些薪水远远没有我和他高的同事差而已。我不想辛苦工作了这么多年之后，想买块30块钱的廉价手表都买不起。而我本来应该买得起一块更好一点的手表。工作几年来，我从没这么窘迫过。当然，我把一小部分积蓄存了定期，不许随便取。如果不是这样，那些钱现在也早就被他花光了。我知道自己没什么本事赚大钱，只有慢慢积蓄，未来的生活才有保障。所以他花光我银行卡里的血汗钱却没有丝毫愧疚的行为，令我悲愤不已。我厌恶目前这种经济状况，却对此无能为力。
我没有办法令自己不现实。不能跟他一样挥霍，不能跟他一样懒惰，不能跟他一样头脑发热。不然，两个人在一起怎么过。但我并不甘心。有些男人是永远感觉不到女人的付出的，除非失去。做了那么多他却没有任何感觉，难免要质疑这样辛苦到底有没有价值。
如果可以少一点想法，也许我能活得幸福得多。如果我是个神经大条的女人，也许我有机会遇到一个细腻体贴的男人。如果活得单纯而快乐的唯一途径就是让自己智障，我愿意。
Youre so appropriate. Im there with you. Your blog is absolutely worth a read if any person comes across it. Im lucky I did due to the fact now Ive got a whole new view of this. I didnt realise that this problem was so crucial and so universal. You absolutely put it in perspective for me.
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I believe which you could do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but apart from that, this is wonderful blog. A great read. Ill definitely be back.
Howdy, i read your blog occasionally and i own a comparable one and i was just wondering if you get lots of spam comments? If so how do you avoid it, any plugin or anything you are able to advise? I get so significantly lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is really significantly appreciated.
Howdy, i read your weblog occasionally and i own a comparable one and i was just wondering in the event you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you avoid it, any plugin or anything you’ll be able to advise? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is very a lot appreciated.
Great stuff from you, man. Ive read your stuff prior to and youre just too awesome. I enjoy what youve got here, really like what youre saying and also the way you say it. You make it entertaining and you still manage to maintain it smart. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is actually a great blog.
If I may possibly –perhaps you ought to think about adding some images. I dont mean to disrespect what youve said; its extremely enlightening, indeed. Nonetheless, I feel would respond to it more positively if they could possibly be something tangible to your ideas. Keep it up, but put a bit much more into it next time.
If I may well –perhaps you ought to think about adding some images. I dont mean to disrespect what youve said; its very enlightening, indeed. However, I believe would respond to it far more positively if they could be some thing tangible to your ideas. Keep it up, but put just a little a lot more into it next time.
You make a fantastic point. Got some great info here. I feel that if much more folks thought about it that way, theyd have a better time understanding the problem. Your view is absolutely something Id like to see a lot more of. Thanks for this weblog. Its amazing and so is what youve got to say.
Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
Im a huge fan already, man. Youve carried out a brilliant job generating positive that people recognize where youre coming from. And let me tell you, I get it. Excellent stuff and I cant wait to read far more of your blogs. What youve got to say is important and requirements to be read.
The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect.
Wow, what a weblog! I mean, you just have so a lot guts to go ahead and tell it like it really is. Youre what blogging requirements, an open minded superhero who isnt afraid to tell it like it really is. This is definitely something individuals must be up on. Very good luck in the future, man.
This is certainly a blog worth following. Youve got a great deal to say about this subject, and so a lot understanding. I believe that you know how you can make folks listen to what you might have to say, particularly with an issue thats so essential. Im glad to know this blog. Two huge thumbs up, man!