阴天

居然被我梦见回台湾好几个月的老板。他不像之前那么水桶了，变得身材尚可，但声音极其苍老。我想，这是不是因为他病重的缘故。心情很压抑。

昨天去打羽毛球了。以为健身这么久了，不会有什么症状，可是今天浑身酸痛。也许因为打羽毛球全身都在剧烈活动吧。我对那些需要一定技巧的运动一向敬而远之。感觉自己小脑发育不是很好，连打字这种运动都只能调动有限的三四个手指。不过昨天发挥还算超常，没像高中那次一样一个球也接不住……健身并不是什么享受，只是折磨自己以达到减压或健康的一种手段而已。对于目前的自己来说，那也是有限的能够让我心情比较舒畅的方式之一。

老板回台湾养病之后，我一直很颓废。虽然生意不太好不是我一个人的责任，但老板在至少不给我们那么多讨论这种消极话题的机会。想跳槽甚至转行，却也没什么方向，真的是做一天和尚撞一天钟。

前一段时间热衷于特卖，并为了抢到好一点的衣服多次翘班。副总并不像老板一样每天几次来设计部查岗。但有一次刚好我才出门他就来找我。三个钟头之后我才回公司。从此，每次出门都必须向他汇报。我暗暗郁闷道：我一个主管，难道连这点自由也没有？即使我出去并没有干什么正事。

什么动力也没有。每个月初都频频上网，月中开始紧张每个月的指标，月底拼命赶工。不知道自己是对绣花没了兴趣还是对其他的什么东西没了兴趣，总之每天都无心工作。每次出去市调都要写报告。其他人都不喜欢写，但我很喜欢。而且每次写的报告都得到病床上老板的夸奖。我不愿意去管其他的设计师都在干什么，虽然他们是我的下属。如果我自己都要被指标捆绑，哪里还有闲心去管他们。

被小稳骂了一个冬天，说我穿得像个大妈。他自己倒是穿得越来越向幼稚园方向发展。冬天本来是一件棉袄即可，难道要我每天穿得像18岁的小姑娘一样天真可爱？作怪吧。这个冬天以来，每天抹脸的时间明显增加。那条令我恐惧不已的鱼尾纹终于淡去了，但从此不敢再掉以轻心。老姑娘已经27岁了，青春不再，年华逝去。我不知道是不是应该尽快和这个整天惹我生气的小男生结婚。虽然他太不讲卫生，但没有惹我生气的时候我还是很喜欢和他在一起的。大学毕业四年了。完全不是我当初设想的样子。

我不知道自己想要什么。也不知道自己现在该干什么。

2007
04/14
作者
themla
分类：
Work
TAGS
10 条评论

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